That’s The Big Show

Read Time: 2 minutes

During my many years of dance classes before 2021, I always got nervous and nauseous during the costume rehearsals. I think I was nervous anticipating the recital. The rehearsal was the last time to perform the dance before the big show. I had to know the steps. I had to know my spot. I had to know I could make it through.

I was nauseous because I wasn’t sure I wanted to be in the recital. I wanted more time, more classes, and more rehearsing. It’s clear to me now that how I felt during those rehearsals mirrored what I was feeling in my life. I wanted more rehearsals. I was not ready for the big show. It made me nauseous to think of not having more time to figure it all out.

I don’t get nervous and nauseous anymore. I don’t even wonder if I can make it to and through the big show. There are two main reasons. First, what comes next doesn’t make me nervous. I’m ready. I’m good. Secondly, there is no big show to get ready for. I’m already in it and it’s amazing.

It’s clear that it can’t all be clear. The big parts of life are woven in with the small ones. There’s no difference between rehearsing for life and performing. I’m living. It’s big.

I wonder, though, if living only for the next show means that people can spend their whole lives rehearsing. On the edge of being nervous and nauseous, they are waiting for the big show. I think it’s great to feel anticipation, but I don’t want to live there. Life would be one disappointment after another.

What is it that people are waiting for? Some might say an after-life. That’s their big show. This life is a rehearsal. Maybe that’s what I picked up from childhood – that rehearsing is the best we can do. Maybe that’s why I shifted in 2021. I saw finally that if I treated life like a rehearsal, I would be nervous and nauseous. But, if I started living life in the big show, I could finally feel all the excitement, adventure, music, dancing, laughing, and joy now.

I want to live in the biggest show on Earth. It’s a big world with big relationships, and big love. I’m not afraid of not being ready anymore. There isn’t really anything to wait for. This is it. My Big Show. And I have a ticket.

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