That’s Simple

Read Time: 5 minutes

Obvious

The paradox of simplicity. One of the most constant but difficult to accept paradoxes is to know on one hand that life is simple and easy to cherish, but on the other hand can feel overwhelmingly complex. Why? So many revelations in my twenties have been formed around how life really isn’t complicated. My thinking has shifted from being loaded with anxiety and dread to being filled with the beauty and awesomeness of an undiscovered world.

Sometimes, though, the simplicity of life feels like it’s all in my mind. Like a mirage. At times, I wonder if the complexity and complication of life is still out there waiting to take me back in. To fight this, I’ve taken my mind into a place where my learning and growth are rooted in the not so complicated world. I do this by acknowledging that so many people I connect with are living in the fear and anxiety that go along with living in an uncertain world.

I believe in the idea that we are wired to want and move toward what is certain and contained. Being able to experience wonder in the uncertain is the exception. Realizing that I live there most of the time is brilliant. But even that feels complicated sometimes.That complication is most likely because I’m also wired for certainty. When I’m in my simplicity, I feel the paradox of uncertainty. So, it’s been amazing to become more comfortable with not needing to be certain.

I used to get caught in validation, expectations, and perfection. Now, I mostly live in the very simple mindset that life in and of itself is brilliant  (I live in the “duh” of this idea). This is so simple that it still surprises me. Gratefulness is so hard for a lot of people. For me, it has become almost habitual. I feel so grateful sometimes that my emotions show up as tears of joy when I think about my fully ordinary simple life. 

This joyfulness is obvious to me now. It’s so obvious that it’s hard to explain to people. My perceptions about time and how to use it are strange. Not wanting or needing certain things to happen in a certain way or on a certain timeframe has the appearance of someone who doesn’t  want to make anything out of her life. I get that. It just doesn’t bother me.

Clarity

My journey becomes clear only as I move. I’m not afraid of the far away looking blurry. I don’t need certainty in the long term. Protecting myself against what might happen took up a lot of energy. Trying to find clarity in every move and every twist is so exhausting. 

There is a very comforting feeling in knowing that “it will all work out”. The difference in how I used to hear that phrase and how I hear it now is the difference between complicated and simple. The complicated way is loaded with expectation and that need for certainty.

I used to hear “it will all work out” and think okay, it will work out how I want it to. That’s what this person is saying to me. They are motivating me to figure it out. I will get the outcome I want if I just push harder. Now, I hear “it will all work out” and I know that it will work out in whatever way it does with some of it being my choices and some of it being what I have no power to move. Regardless, it does all work out. 

This is my new clarity. Life is only complicated when I don’t see it for what it is. It’s complicated when I’m forcing it to go in directions that twist it all up. It’s complicated if I fail to see that I can’t control the twists others are making. To live simply, I don’t force and I don’t expect. I simply work and learn and move toward and within life’s opportunities. I also find the most joy when I’m helping and holding on to the people I love.

When It’s Hard

What about when life is hard? When we lose people we love, we encounter failure, or when we can’t keep people we want in our lives? Yes, that’s hard, but it isn’t complicated. Relationships aren’t complicated. People make them complicated. The unfortunate truth about labels is that they don’t mean the same thing to everyone. Committed has different definitions. Loyalty is very rarely healthy if it’s absolute. 

Assuming that relationships take work, come with suffering, and constantly require compromise sets them up to be complicated. My approach is different. It isn’t a popular psychological idea, but here it is. My relationships are so much simpler when I don’t force them to be on the next level. They are easier when I don’t look for the next hurtful thing to work through. They are definitely better when I don’t expect to give up any part of myself or change into someone I don’t want to be or expect this of the other person.

Losing people is hard. But it isn’t complicated. Loss can make us question humanity and make us doubt that goodness exists. It can also drive us to believe that we are somehow being targeted for pain. Believing this way takes away from life. It takes away the simple truth that this life is the only time we have to share with others. It’s unfair and unequal and harsh, but it isn’t complicated.

We all have the ability to create memories with those we love. The way I want the people I love to outlive their lives is by sharing a small part of it with me. I want to outlive my life by sharing a small part of it with amazing people. This is how we perpetuate simple beautiful lives during the short time we have. Life may be hard, but I’m absolutely certain it’s simple.

Simplifying all the way down…