Read Time: 5 minutes
It Just Is…
Happiness is both complicated and simple. It’s a paradox of blurry and brilliant. When I’m in it, which is most of the time, I wonder how I ever wasn’t happy. I wonder why I thought it was so complicated. When I witness the not so happy in others, though, I think about why it’s so complicated for so many people.
This is not a post about unhappiness related to mental illness or other struggles where emotions get really blurry. This is about the simple idea of happiness that we’ve managed to make very complicated. In fact, it’s gotten so complicated that I’m not even sure being unhappy is actually a thing. There is nothing wrong with allowing myself to be sad or mad or overwhelmed (or all three at the same time). That’s okay. It doesn’t mean life is unhappy when not so great things or even tragic things happen. We’re all allowed to be sad and to be aware that life brings what it brings. Even if it’s awful.
“Happiness has become something that society tries to frame as success or failure. This is where it gets complicated.”
Instead of being simple, I think that happiness has become an idea that is too complicated. Somehow, it’s gotten wrapped up in definitions and ideas of what it’s supposed to be. It’s supposed to be something that we find. Where? Not sure. It’s supposed to be something that can leave us or something that is fleeting. I disagree. Happiness is not independent of us and it is not that complicated. Happiness just is.
Happiness has become something that society tries to frame as success or failure. This is where it gets complicated. You might hear “What do you mean you’re not happy? You should be. Look at everything you have. Everything that’s been done for you.” I call bullshit. Happiness is not what someone else thinks should make you happy.
What is your version of contentment or well-being? It probably looks nothing like mine. So, why are we so hard on each other about whether or not we are happy? And most importantly, why do we think we can control each other’s happiness? Why do we need to?
Happiness Isn’t
“I can’t make you comfortable with your life or content in it. What I can do is bring kindness and my version of this beautiful world with me.”
People are trying to find happiness as if it stays somewhere hidden until they get lucky and see it. Somewhere outside and separate that we can grab. We also try to make each other happy as if happiness is something we can make in someone else. Although I do believe that we can influence each other, I don’t think actual happiness can be spread. I can’t make you happy. I can’t make you comfortable with your life or content in it. What I can do is bring kindness and my version of this beautiful world with me. But, that isn’t happiness.
I will never be able to make anyone happy. Why? I know that my happiness is never dependent on anyone or any circumstance. That feeling I used to call happiness turned out to be temporary elation or satisfaction from other people or just exciting moments. That’s not happiness.
Another person will never be able to make me happy. They can be kind, fun, and interesting. I’ll always be grateful for amazing people. Maybe they even love sharing their time with me and me with them. I may feel joy and love, but that’s not happiness.
I don’t feel responsible anymore for anyone else’s happiness. How my life goes is up to me even when it isn’t. I’ve lost people. I’ll lose more. I’ve seen deep sadness and I’ve felt anxiety. I’ve seen deep anger and bitterness. I’ve also seen and felt regret. Happiness, though, is still here. It’s in my life force because life gives so much. Big and small. Light and heavy. Joy that bursts out and stays at low levels and pain that hits sharply and reminds me of the collateral beauty all around.
The Greatest Show
Happiness shows up for me as Peanuts, pets, dancing, friends, family, far off places, music, and freedom. Those things are simple and yet I find that I can be happy just knowing these things are part of my life. And yet, they are not where my happiness is. I stopped looking past and over these things for happiness I thought was being kept away from me. When I stopped looking, I found it. Happiness is me.
It’s only through me that happiness is clear and bright. Feeling my happiness is my greatest breakthrough in life so far. Why do I call this a breakthrough? Because happiness is not in and out of my life anymore. It doesn’t come and go. It’s not a separate thing found in someone else or somewhere else. I get to take it with me. Isn’t that awesome?
“You don’t have to earn your way to happiness. You don’t have to wait for it. You don’t have to find it “out there somewhere”.”
It’s only when I try to make happiness something separate and complicated that it fades. When knowing happiness seems like a heavy weight I have to lift, I’ve let something or someone pull me away from what is real in my life. I’ve let worry take over and the “what if’s” take control. When I start to believe that happiness is external and something I have to earn, I’ve lost.
You don’t have to earn your way to happiness. You don’t have to wait for it. You don’t have to find it “out there somewhere”. It’s not a scavenger hunt and it’s not someone else’s definition. It’s yours to feel and live in. No one has to bring it to you, and no one can take it from you. You’re already where happiness is. You’re in the show. It’s here and it can grow and live with you as long as you let it.
The Greatest Show on Earth!
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