That Space For More

Read Time: 6 minutes

Wide Open Spaces

Room for more. I’ve arrived at an intriguing point in my twenties. My vibe is always changing in small ways as I learn, but the vibe I’m feeling now is growing louder telling me to make room. I’m listening. Space is opening up in my mind and in my world. Some of the changes that I’ve made in my approach to life over the last couple of years have helped me make and see this space. It’s wide open now.

What happened to get me here? Most importantly, I’ve stopped fighting the paradox I once called hypocrisy. I thought I was a hypocrite because I wanted things. Different things. I thought I had to choose between the life I needed to have and the one I wanted. I thought I was being selfish. All I was becoming was bitter. I don’t need to have a certain life. No one does. Yes, circumstances often restrict what we can achieve in our limited time here, but it’s not bad to want different things out of life than what people say we have to chase or choose. 

When I was bitter, I thought life was all or nothing. That I had to be “all in” with either putting my energy into myself and blocking the rest out, or giving up and just doing what everyone else expected. It turns out that I can give of myself without giving myself up. I can help and influence without giving pieces of me away, without taking over, and without feeling bitter. I’ve made space for giving time and help to others. I’ve also made space to respect the time and space that I want.

Sometimes it seems like society’s framework demands that we always pick a side. That we choose ambition over laziness, adulting over playing, and seriousness over silliness. As my life has shifted, I’m not choosing a side. I’m not deciding against being lazy and to always be driven. I’m not always going to be the adult in the room. I will take things seriously when they are serious, but otherwise, I choose silly. I choose to play and make space for the fun stuff.

So many people worry so much. I get it. I worried a lot before realizing that it didn’t help me figure anything out. It actually caused me to suffer. I was the cause of my own suffering by worrying about things that hadn’t happened, had already happened, and that I wished would happen. I couldn’t see what was actually happening and all the possibilities. It felt like life was happening to me in a very small space that kept closing in.

Now, after shifting into a life that I’m making happen for me, I see all of this. Space for more. More learning, growing, helping, seeing, experiencing, and creating. The creating part is really opening up now. For me, creating doesn’t happen in the worry. Worrying takes up all of the space creating needs to flourish. It can’t depend on what others think I should be doing. My creativity will never find its full potential if it shrinks under the need for validation.

Processes and Progress

Space holds my processes and my progress. It’s where I can have solitude and where I can fill it with energy and connections. Without recognizing my space, my world will only get smaller. The possibilities for my space are limitless. Keeping my space full of so many possibilities keeps it from getting too small and too specific. Space for me keeps my perfectionism from taking over.

Putting all of my life’s resources into small spaces does not respect my need for freedom. I find honesty and clarity in my spaces. The room for what is best for me to come through with lots of small steps but in big ways. When my spaces are too small, it’s easy to be dishonest and let my boundaries blur. When I feel like I’m only allowed a small space to live, I’ve placed restrictions on myself that are arbitrary. I forget that no one is allowed to put restrictions on me that I did not agree to. I forget that I am here to learn and grow.

Why is it so easy to let ourselves be taken in by other people’s idea of what our spaces should look like and how much room we get? I believe the answer is that we let what we believe other people expect from us to knock our boundaries down. We also might not feel entitled or good enough to make spaces for those boundaries or enough room inside them. When I am at my most dishonest and confused is when I’ve forgotten to give myself space. Space to breathe, think, not think, be in awe, and feel loved.

My space is where my goodness comes through. It’s the place where I know my time is limited and must be used the best way I can use it. For kindness and for good. To help and be helped and to appreciate all that is awesome in life.

Limited Time, Maximum Space

Marcus Aurelius said “Do not act as if you were going to live ten thousand years. Death hangs over you. While you live, while it is in your power, be good.” I will be good for the limited time I have. I will do good. It won’t be perfect and I need to remember to give myself and others the grace of imperfect humanness. That’s the space I’m making. Space to learn how to keep going toward what I want, enjoying what I have, and being good to myself and everyone in my life. I’m not here to stop at some point and say it’s all over. There will always be more good to do and more connections to make.

For my space to stay wide open, I need to know more. I need to see more. I need to do more. I need to take up space, share space, and move around in these spaces. I’m learning to appreciate space for myself and for everyone else. If I don’t, I’ll stop moving and become resentful of how everyone else around me gets to live. I get to live in as big of a space as I can make, and if it’s for good, it means sharing it with those who make different choices and need different space without resentment. 

When I feel my space, I don’t feel the desperation of what I don’t have. I feel grateful for what I do have. Freedom is best when I know that what I can’t control I can make space to handle. Not through anticipation, but through acceptance. Accepting time and space for what I want knowing there will be room to give and help. A full and joyful life is possible with more space. 

I’ve found room just for me…  Want to see?

Check out “Space and Time” on the Poems page!