That’s the Important Stuff

Read Time: 8 minutes

Accumulation

Like most twenty-somethings, I have a lot of stuff. Not valuable stuff. Just stuff. This is America. We buy shit. Besides, adult life means preparing for a long time. Being ready. Making lists. Making plans. Saving. Not hoarding. No, not that. That’s a different kind of accumulation. But, I do think my generation is finding new ways to hoard. Sigh… 

We’re just prepping for the longest part of life so there will be nothing to distract us from making more to get more stuff, right? That’s why people buy houses and new cars in their twenties and thirties. They set it all up. Then, they can focus on keeping it up so they can keep up.

But, something doesn’t feel right. What happens when I don’t want to set it all up? What if I don’t feel anchored and that feeling is surprisingly amazing? What if my hometown is just a homebase? The world is too big not to be distracting. All the stuff that I’m supposed to need has never really settled me in. That’s where I am. I’ve accumulated, but there’s no plan for all the stuff. Nothing feels urgent. Nothing feels undone.

When life goes through the familiar phases, it ironically seems like there is never an end to needing the stuff. Even though we know life will end, we accumulate like it won’t. When is it enough? When are we good? My Mom doesn’t think I’m there yet. I’m not sure she’ll ever think I have enough. 

My Mom likes to make sure I have the “right” clothes for my life and the “right” decor in my place. She makes sure I’m prepared and ready for any situation. I should set up my place to be ready for guests and surround myself with the prizes from my life. She doesn’t necessarily live this way, but maybe she thought she should have. Maybe she thinks I need all this stuff to feel secure. I don’t. Stuff doesn’t bring security.

Not a Prepper

I’m confused by all this stuff. I love the treasures that remind me of my passions – friends, dancing, traveling, music (especially K-Pop), baseball, and good simple food (See That’s the Whole Story for all of these passions). But, I don’t need all of it or even most of it. Sometimes it’s comforting, but sometimes it feels heavy. It also feels like I’m not allowed to leave it unattended for all the other things I want to do. It’s like a fragile investment. It can’t be wasted.

I’m confused even more by this stuff because I’m not really preparing for anything. I know. I’m so weird. So not ambitious in the way society says I need to be. I’m not sure what having this stuff will do to prepare me for the rest of my life. My friends talk about saving money now for when they have kids later. I might have kids later, but somehow I’m not worried enough to start saving up for them now. 

Twenty-somethings talk about saving for the lives they aspire to have. Maybe they can work really hard now and be able to stop working early. It seems to me like so many people say this, but they just keep working. They keep working because they never quite get to the point of having enough. But I’m not planning on a career that’s separate from actually living the life people keep saving up for. I’m not sure this part of my life is that different from the one people seem to think will show up later.

When is this next part of life supposed to happen? I write often about not wanting to follow the framework society sets – college, career, marriage, kids, retirement. Honestly, I don’t understand retiring as a thing. At least, not for me. My grandparents all retired. They seem fine. 

At some point in their lives, my grandparents decided that the framework worked for them. I’ve decided differently. I decided differently partly because my grandparents often “wish they had”.  That wish is always doing more and seeing more. I’m gonna do that! I’m not gonna wish later. 

I get that I will need to understand how I will pay for my life when I can’t earn money anymore. Is the world really this way, though? Is it this rigid in its phases? If it is, I’m still going to be outside of them. I don’t want to be caught in the urgency of living a certain way to make sure I have a safety net later. Is this dumb? For some reason, even if it is, it doesn’t matter to me.

I see a world where I have so many different ways to take care of myself and people I love. And none of them require a lot of stuff. How I take care of the ones I love will teach me more about taking care of myself and how to ask for help when I need it. I will learn all of this now while I’m doing all of the things that so many people wait to do after they have accumulated what they think they will need. So many of them never make it there.

To me, living is the most important part of life. So cliché. But, if you’ve noticed what I have, you’ve seen that society pushes us to keep striving for the next thing even before we appreciate this one. Do well in school to get into the best college. Don’t let up in college or you won’t get that great job. Work hard and long and prove yourself for the promotion. And on and on until, what?

For some reason, society even tells people to work harder to rescue the next generation from the realities of not having enough. I’m sure that people love their kids very much and want better for them. My parents are no exception. But, why do people push their kids into some “better” version of the same life of accumulation? More stuff doesn’t equate to better. 

Parents deserve a better life for themselves, too. If they’re good with the lives they are making without all the pressure of the stuff, they can make the most of their lives with their kids. Their kids will see this and learn from it. They can learn how to embrace what makes their lives better and not feel pressured to make their lives better for their parents. 

Society says we have to keep going or we risk losing everything. Losing what? All this stuff? The experiences will make my life amazing. Brilliant conversations, loving my pets, absorbing great books and art, being immersed in music, seeing beautiful places, stopping and enjoying peaceful silence, taking care of my body, and working to make it all possible, are a few of the experiences that add to an already full life.

Life is an Experience

The once in a lifetime experiences are what we don’t get to have if we are just working to get more stuff believing that these experiences will be waiting for us when we’re done accumulating. Will kids remember the stuff or the experiences? We all know the answer, but we don’t live that way.

The reality for twenty-somethings today is that the world has opportunities for most. It’s not fair and it isn’t equal, but money isn’t scarce. There are many ways to earn money even without a lot of advanced education. I don’t have to be trapped in an office, either. I think the real difference in the way I approach the important stuff is that I don’t carry the expectations of having to make a better life for kids or needing to live expensively. 

Life will not pause because I have stuff to use or look at. Stuff will not keep death away. It does not give me immortality. Closer connections and wonderful moments with those we love do not depend on the stuff we have or use. It’s my connections and moments that give me infinite joy.

Stuff fools people into believing their lives are better. Maybe they are for a moment or two, but that stuff has to mean something. To mean something, that stuff has to be part of my experiences. By itself, stuff holds no emotions. I bring those. I bring the connection.

Life is unpredictable. So many forces out of my control will determine what I will be able to experience. So, right now, while I have the ability, I want to experience as much as I can. I don’t picture a better life after. I don’t have an after. I have now and I have what might be next. That’s it and it’s all the important stuff I need.

It’s Just Stuff, After All…