That’s When I’m Good Enough… Even When I’m Not

Read Time: 6 minutes

The Cycle

Do you see the trap? It’s so easy to get caught in. It’s a cycle. An endless loop. The never ending conversation about all of us being enough. I’ve written “I’m already enough” or “I’m worthy of my life” quite a bit. I mean these words, but I also don’t mean them. At least not in the way a lot of people use them. 

Some people use the idea of being enough to talk themselves into believing it. I don’t do that. Who am I talking to? If I have to convince myself of my worth, I probably have to convince you, too. I don’t think that’s the point.

If I have to affirm, there’s the possibility of doubt. I don’t doubt. When I say I’m worth more or better, I mean it. It’s how I truly see myself. I’m not trying to convince anyone. It’s kind of simple, really. If I’m not worthy of my life, how can I live it fully or see the joy in it? And if I don’t want to live it to its fullest, what kind of life is that? If I’m not enough in the only world I get, how can I accept that I have a place in it?

I call this trap the “cycle” of being enough. I see people, including the girl I used to be, moving in and out of enoughness. We tell ourselves we’re enough like it’s the key to something we’re supposed to be, but we don’t quite believe we really are. It’s like the idea is someone else’s standard instead of ours. We’re still waiting for validation. “I’m enough. Don’t you think so, too? So are you. Good. We’re both good, aren’t we?” This seems wrong.

When I truly realized my worthiness and “enoughness”, it became absolute. It’s one thing I’m actually sure of. There aren’t many things in life I can be sure of. Life is definitely mysterious. But I know for certain that I will never know enough or be worth enough to meet an external standard. That definition can never be my definition. Using it seems disrespectful to the life I actually have.

What is respectful, though, is a definition of enough that holds me accountable. Being enough means understanding how to respect others in the same way I respect myself. I’m no more human than you. I’m no more worthy than you. I’m not accountable for your actions, but I’m accountable for my part of our interaction.

Being worthy and being enough don’t require me to hold myself to any external standard. They do require holding myself to a standard that includes knowing you are worthy and believing that you are enough. Not compared to me, but because I cannot hold my truth without allowing yours.

You might be wondering how this is possible. Am I saying that I’m committing myself to treat everyone the same? No. I’m not capable of that level of wisdom, but I’m working on it. I’m simply saying that by respecting your place as worthy and enough, I allow myself the opportunity to be respected by you. What you do with that is up to you.

When I’m Not

I’m committed to holding room to respect everyone. This means I have to keep learning. I’m learning about people and what they believe. How do their ideas influence me to grow as a person? Life is exciting and full of possibilities, but I have to find space to understand that I won’t always understand. As aware as I have become, I’ll never be completely aware or open in a way that is right for everyone else.

Being enough necessarily means that there is space for those things I just won’t do well or right. Space to fail and to keep moving anyway. People talk about the idea of failure making people better. I agree. I will take this further and say that failure makes me better when I give it a lot of space. Where I can see it clearly and move through it. For more on space, read That Space for More.

Yes, it’s okay to fail. But it isn’t an excuse. It’s just something that didn’t work out well for me or me and someone else. I have accountability for what happens next, but I get to move on to what’s next. When failure is an excuse, where is the lesson? How will I move on to what’s next? 

Excusing failure implies that the shame from failure is justified. Shame is never something that should get a place to grow. Instead, I can know something didn’t work. That’s one less thing to try. My odds just got better to make it work next time. Own it and move. Don’t get stuck.

I have to move through criticism knowing that when I fail, I disappoint. I have to move through the reminders that I don’t know what I’m doing all the time. I have to move through the expectation that I should have known. And, I have to let the woman that I am know that the standard for my failure is not higher than anyone else’s. I can’t do everything. I don’t have to. Amazingly, I’m still enough. 

I don’t have to be anyone to anyone else. My friend, who cares about me so much and wants amazing things for me, said she “wishes I had someone to prioritize me.” She means that she hopes I find “the guy” who will put me above himself on his priority list. I told her I don’t wish for that. I am that person. I’m already here. I don’t need someone to point out how awesome I am. And, I hope he doesn’t need to prioritize me. Great guys do make for lots of good bonus points, though. 😀

People are looking for evidence of “enoughness” to compare it to themselves or someone else. They won’t find it. Enough isn’t out there. It’s inside. It’s sad that we believe others can tell us we’ve failed at being enough. No one has that power. Please don’t give it to them.

Enough Already

Love the double meaning in this heading. Enough already, we get it. AND… Of course I’m enough already. Everyone is enough already. What we shouldn’t be is doubters. We should be believers. Good enough? No, even better.

So, really… Enough Already!  Let’s go!!