That Hasn’t Happened… Yet

Read Time: 7 minutes

Yet to Come

Here’s a paradox. I’m told that I’m “all grown up”. In my mid-twenties, growth is behind me. I did it. Is this exciting? Not really. That’s it, right? I’m all grown up. It’s over. Past tense. The growing portion of my life is done. Sure, I’ve physically stopped growing, but there’s also a societal implication that when physical growth is done, it’s all up to me.

Being twenty-something means I have to “at some point” they all say, take responsibility. All by myself. I mean, look at them. They did it. But I haven’t really done anything yet to take it all over, have I? Why does society act like I have? Someone else took all the credit and now I’m supposed to be fully grown. Society puts us on autopilot in a very structured school system and then says we’re all grown up and ready.

Maybe I don’t want to be 🙂. Not that I don’t have to be responsible, but is being an adult a solo mission with a responsibility so big it requires me to know how it all works right now? There’s a good chance that I have as much as three-quarters of my life yet to live, but apparently it’s not to grow. Society doesn’t really let us say “I don’t know yet, but I’ll find out.” Why, though? Honestly, there’s so much I really don’t know yet. And that’s okay with me. Society, though? They just expect me to know or roll their eyes when I don’t.

Why would I treat the majority of my life like it’s the hardest part? That’s the paradox, isn’t it? All this time as an adult, but it’s already in the past tense. “Grown up” means it’s all on my shoulders now at all times. My parents have to “let go”. I should just look around and realize that everyone else has accepted this. They’re doing life better so I have to do it better, too. 

Honestly, why would I even enter that part of my life willingly if that’s what is really waiting for me? No wonder graduating from high school and college is anti-climactic. Either no one tells you that life is about to get serious, or they tell you all the time but it doesn’t mean anything because the context is missing. 

Turns out that in some ways, it’s pretty serious. I believe that it’s totally on me to support myself financially, and that can be overwhelming. But is this an all or nothing proposition? Life can be lived in a way where I can be accountable, but also pause to appreciate this huge portion of my life. I’m the one who is accountable, but I don’t have to figure it all out on my own.

Each day, my life has something ahead in it that hasn’t happened. Duh… But, that’s kind of awesome. What are the possibilities? I can’t wait to find out. My best moments are yet to come. It’s cliche’ just like never wanting to grow up, but having better moments ahead is really exciting. And, truthfully, I don’t ever want to grow up completely. 

Being told I’m all grown up sounds like there isn’t anything left to learn. If I believe that part of my life is over, I might skip over some really good experiences thinking I’m not supposed to or that they’re not important. I want to experience life, so I remind myself that life hasn’t happened yet. Not completely. It’s literally true every day. The possibility will always be there as long as this life of mine lasts.

Time to Go

I’m not going to act like I want to live in Neverland. I’m not going to tell you all to just live in the moment and it will all be fine. It’s more than that. As a society, I think we start to regret life so young. We regret what didn’t happen or what did and hope that we can undo it or try it all again creating an experience loop before we even know what’s going on.

Society makes time so misunderstood when the answer is much simpler than the complex phases of life it tries to define. The answer for me is that time just doesn’t fit into a framework and we shouldn’t force it. Time doesn’t make sense. On one hand, its structure is simple. Telling time is easy to learn. But, time as it’s applied to life is not simple. It’s mysterious and messy. It’s great as a measure of history and of schedules, but to plan a life whose time is relative? Not so straightforward. And the assumptions as to what I will do with my time? Not necessary, even if I’m not really grown-up.

The phases of life that are measured in time make time out to be something it isn’t. It isn’t responsible for our perceptions or decisions. It doesn’t have feelings that I set boundaries against or that I can manipulate. Am I saying time management isn’t a real thing? Sort of. How can I be accountable, though, if I don’t manage time? It’s a good question. 

My response is that time as a management tool is something that I will never conquer. There is no permanent management solution. Time management for projects? Sure, it can go as planned. Short slices of managing time can. But, time management of my life isn’t going to work like that.

Time seems to “get away” from us. It feels like it’s “flying by”. Isn’t regret the result, at least partly, of a failed attempt to control time? I didn’t get a chance to… I wish I had thought of that sooner… Regret is telling me that I failed at being a time manager. There are a lot of ways to fail that make life better because of what they teach. Time, though, isn’t one of them. I’m not going to blame myself for it. When I continually try and fail to control time, the only lesson is that time is brutally honest and inflexible.

I’ve said that time is my friend. Yes, I did say that, and it has absolutely become a friend of mine. Have you ever had a friend who, even though you know they care about you, is very good at pointing out how you’re not being honest with yourself? The one who isn’t afraid to tell you when your choices don’t reflect your worth? I have friends like that (Hey, Maria! Hi, Emmy!), and I see time that way, too. 

Time is one part of life that is constant. Time doesn’t actually get away from us or fly by. Time never left you. It will never turn its back on you. It will also never heal you or solve anything. That’s on you. When I tried to control it, all I did was miss the possibilities. Time does keep me honest. It reminds me that it was always here for me to walk through. Always giving me possibilities. It’s up to me to make them count. It’s not up to time.

The message of this post is simple. Life hasn’t fully happened yet. It’s happening now. Time is a friend. It’s there for me to do that thing I want to do and learn that part of something I’ve always been curious about. “Growing up” won’t take away that curiosity. 

Time is  also there for me as part of the opportunity to show kindness and help people heal. It’s me that can help others and me who can accept help. Time only provides the possibility to keep growing in ways that let me connect. It isn’t there for me to turn back. It isn’t there for me to wait for it. It’s there for me to live in it. You can live there, too!

The best really is yet to come.

Check out “Yet To Come” on the Poems page