That Hovering Feeling

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Floating

This feeling is a strange one. This hovering that I’m experiencing. I’m not floating above. I’m not floating far away on the outside looking in on my world. I’m hovering just close enough to see. To see the patterns people get into. The grooves they make. It’s different from having a vibe. My vibe is a rhythm, but it doesn’t always repeat. It might be familiar. It might be new. My vibe is both confirmation and discovery. It’s not like hovering. What I see from here is fascinating.

These patterns and grooves come into focus as I hover. They show people seeking out repetition to figure out what works and build their expertise. A life where they are never caught off guard or surprised. The patterns and grooves help them stay prepared. People create familiarity and comfort to brace against the unexpected. But I can’t seem to stay there, so I hover. Even though I know the patterns and grooves are comfortable, I just can’t stay in them. I see them and I feel them, but I find myself hovering around them only occasionally visiting.

Hovering on the edges, my vibe is louder. I’m still aware of patterns and grooves, but I float freely apart from them..I realized I was hovering once I stopped being afraid of people knowing I will never reach perfection. I stopped needing to stay grounded and rooted after this realization. Why don’t I stay on the ground, though? Isn’t this where I really figure life out? Strangely, I don’t think that it is. 

Roots are good and help people feel strong, but I don’t need to feel rooted. The weight of myself is heavy enough to keep me within a view of the ground, but it’s also light enough to let me hover. I get to see everything from here. I feel strangely separated but fully connected at the same time. Part of the ordinary but living fully in the extraordinary.

Fizzy Lifting Drink

This post sounds a bit mystical. Maybe it is. Maybe I’m living in awe of life and hovering in the wonder of it. Hovering at the edges of concern within the material world and the beauty outside of it. It’s so awesome to see the lessons and wisdom in the patterns and grooves that make roots and keep people grounded while I see so much more, too.

Hovering explains why achieving goals feels good but doesn’t come with a let down. Why spending time helping people doesn’t bring with it needing something in return. Helping never feels like a job. And, it might explain why I don’t have the expectation to be anything in any particular way. No set groove or pattern, but the ability to respect those held by others.

I like the feeling of hovering. The awareness of the world without the full weight of it. My whole self feels so light. I am living a not always steady but always moving life. I know that if I didn’t feel the wholeness of myself, this hovering feeling couldn’t be sustained. The pieces of myself that I used to let get separated from me left me bouncing all around. But, being whole lets me hover. Floating without fear of falling, but not afraid to touch the ground and lift back off again..

I think I’ll hang around awhile…