Read time: 5 minutes
In This Blog Post:
Bad Things
People say bad things just happen. They also say bad things happen to good people. The assumption is that those good people don’t deserve bad things because of their goodness. But, bad things don’t really leave anyone out, do they? They really do just happen. And, what makes a person good, anyway? Everyone can identify bad things that happen in their lives even if there is disagreement about how bad they are. Goodness, it seems to me, doesn’t have much to do with it.
Bad things cover a wide range of situations. People are victims of random violence, accidents, disease, natural disasters, mental illness, whether they happen directly to them or to those they love. Maybe they are deceived or used by others to the extent that they become lonely and hopeless. Maybe they live without the resources to live a comfortable life with the constant worry of hunger or homelessness hopelessly seeing no way out. What also feels like a bad thing is seeing how others don’t seem to need to worry about those things. Social media has made this bad thing so much worse.
In all of these situations, life seems unfair to some and more than fair to others. I wonder though, how much of our existence is relative? How much of it is labeled unfair simply because of how we are comparing it? Unfair only exists when it is assumed that the parties being compared will never experience the same levels of suffering due to forces favoring one over the other. But, the label is limited to whatever comparison is being made. It is not an overall answer.
“… limited perspective keeps people away from the place where the circumstances, which are very often tragic, might have at least a chance to show them a different way through. A path to finding the collateral beauty.”
Beauty, inherited wealth, physical ability and health, intelligence, gender, skin color, birthright- all of these things are mostly considered something we are born with or into. This is the natural side of it. I realize that there is some control over a few of these and they can even be changed. But, society hasn’t really changed its view of them as status makers. That’s why the fair and unfair conversations are still happening. So, how do we label these things fair or unfair in comparison? It’s a matter of perspective, and it’s tough not to compare.
This is what perspective has the power to create. These fair and unfair comparisons. It creates a space where that relativity is given a meaning. This relationship does two things. It provides an explanation to those who believe life has burdened them unfairly so they can understand why they feel helpless and hopeless. Many times this feeling is justified. Unfortunately, limited perspective keeps people away from the place where the circumstances, which are very often tragic, might have at least a chance to show them a different way through. A path to finding the collateral beauty.
The Good and the Bad
“On the other side of the bad thing is a power in perspective where fair and unfair don’t have a space. Where status based on a circumstance doesn’t drive the outcome. Where good and bad aren’t definable by someone else.”
I feel both good and bad simultaneously when I let myself think about what has happened in my life so far and compare it to what I know about other people’s experiences. I feel good because life could be worse, right? I could be ill or lose someone I love in an accident or have been born into poverty. Or, does thinking this way make me feel bad? Sometimes I’m not sure which feeling is stronger. Good because my life is, compared to others, pretty awesome. But, I also feel bad because my life is pretty awesome.
Am I not supposed to have an awesome life because it’s unfair that I was born into some privilege? I honestly struggle with this. Simultaneously, my life has seen some bad things that I know not everyone experiences. Is that supposed to make my life less awesome or more awesome? Life is unfair because I am a girl. Life is unfair because I’m blonde (take that either way- blonde privilege or dingbat blonde). It’s all relative. How I handle my privilege is the key.
Which way is right? That’s where perspective really matters. I strive for that delicate place where I’m grateful and can keep the guilt at low levels. I have said that I actually like the in between tangled mess that is the right side up and also the upside down. That space where life is quietly loud. I see it as the place that has collateral beauty as its potential. I discover this beauty through my perspective. In this place, whether the outcome is fair or unfair is irrelevant.
On the other side of the bad thing is a power in perspective where fair and unfair don’t have a space. Where status based on a circumstance doesn’t drive the outcome. Where good and bad aren’t definable by someone else. This does require some acceptance of how society functions and living there in spite of it.
“Living in between. It’s where judgment doesn’t drive me and where I see nothing to judge others by. Life is clearest here.”
It starts with realizing that I live in a society that is always going to judge me based on comparisons. But, I don’t have to join them. Yes, it hurts when I see it applied in my life, in the lives of people I love, and even in the lives of those I don’t know. To see people held down by the narrowness of viewpoint and morality standards is painful. But, there is collateral beauty in perspective. It tells me that these judgments are about the one judging. That no matter how much it hurts, the judge is the one trying to create power over people for their own selfish reasons. There is freedom in this realization.
Living in between. It’s where judgment doesn’t drive me and where I see nothing to judge others by. Life is clearest here. My life IS awesome. First and most importantly because my existence starts and ends with just me. No one else will see the world from my perspective. It’s mine alone. Bad things have and will continue to happen, but they don’t have to leave me in the place where only they exist. I know that it’s possible to get stuck there, but my perspective can help me. It’s powerful, but I’m in control of that power. You see, that power belongs to me, and I choose the awesome. Will You?
All the good things are waiting…
Check out “Comparison” on the Poems page
Discover more from That Twenty-Something Vibe
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.