That’s Something I Don’t Know

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I Don’t Know Why

I have no idea why the universe doesn’t reveal our collective purpose. Why are we here? What is the point of it all? Not a clue. Many people settle on their own answer. Not me. I’m glad the universe hasn’t revealed its ultimate purpose. Even if it has, it hasn’t been revealed in a way simple enough to be accepted by all of us. I don’t want to settle on one point. Life has and will show me so many awesome reasons to make the most of my life. If there was a point decided by someone else, I wouldn’t get to live in the wonder that is my life.

Besides, if we did know, would we treat each other even half as well as we do? Could we appreciate our time together as it’s happening? I don’t think so. I think if we knew the indisputable point of it all, we would not live our lives with any greater meaning. Instead, we would live those lives for that one purpose and compete and maybe even hurt each other to be the best at it. Whatever it is. 

Religions are built around this. The idea that we need to live our lives a certain way so we have something at the end. That the suffering we face in this lifetime is for a purpose that comes after it. Figuring that purpose out is so important to so many people. But, when people believe they have figured out something that remains mysterious, there are always consequences. It’s where inequality is born. It’s where assumption lives. It’s where we compete for the limited amount of spots reserved for only a few of us “after”.  

I believe that at the heart of all of my most deeply connected relationships is the blessing that I don’t know. The blessing of trusting in the people I love for the short time that I get in this life. This is as far as my faith needs to go in order for me to connect deeply during the short time I am here.

What if, one day, the universe and its supreme commander decided to let us all in on the secret? Why are we here? The end is shown to us, and all is out in the open. What happens next? If my existence is certain to end up in an eternal place where only some really are rewarded for specific things in this life, it would mean living in a way even more structured than I already do. Making my own life would be pointless. If I find out that I live multiple lives, would I be tempted to waste this one knowing there will be more? That knowledge changes everything. Spending this life trying to figure out why I am here takes up the time I get to be here. 

What do you want to make of your life? That is the one question with an answer you can work on. What makes sense to you? Listen to your most informative instincts. Knowing what comes next would change our freedom to live the life we want. What would my life mean if I knew the point of it all? I know it would not be the same as what it means when I get to make it into anything I want it to be. 

I have the freedom to simply treat everyone well. This is actually so profound in its simplicity. I will treat others with respect. Everyone wants respect. We all want to belong. Let’s not say we’re going to treat each other well, let’s do it. Making it a rule sets us up to break it. I don’t want to expect kindness and respect. I want to show it and see if it flows back to me. If it doesn’t, I get to choose what happens next. Some of my other blog posts will take this idea on, too. Actions count. When we make rules, we open up the flip side of that rule by looking for rule breakers. Kindness comes in many forms. Don’t miss it because you expect it to look a certain way.

Wishful Thinking

Wishes. They are an escape to a place where what feels good lives. I used to wish I could jump past the preparation for adult life and land in it with everything I need to just be content. A place where it is all figured out. Realizing that I couldn’t and wouldn’t have the certainty of what comes after this life or even what happens tomorrow, I got out of the land of wishes. I understand that many people believe they know what comes next. They are just as certain of it as they are that the sun will rise tomorrow, but that isn’t even a 100% certainty, is it? For me, the certainty that I want is the one where I know that I don’t need to know what happens next. 

Anticipation of all of life’s possibilities is so exciting. In my life before realizing this excitement, I anticipated the future with thoughts of how it would all go and what I would feel and become. It’s what I wished was about to happen. When the  moments arrived and the scene was wrong and the feelings were different, I felt cheated and disappointed. 

It was so easy to relieve my anxiety by playing wishful thinking in order to face the unknown. The result, though, was that I was searching for the scene and feeling found in those wishes. They never materialized. I finally stopped wishing. The future had become the past and it looked nothing like my wish so often that I finally learned. I don’t have to keep searching. What I don’t know yet is the best part.

Wishing for what we hope is going to happen is natural. It’s easy. But it also assumes and builds up and creates unrealistic expectations of others and ourselves. As I have said before, wishes are granted by someone else. I can’t make my wishes come true. Why? Because they are full of situations and expectations that try to predict the future. When I lived on wishes, I never learned how to make life into anything that actually led to meaning for me. A life looking forward to joy and fun and freedom in whatever form it takes is what I’m striving for.

Never Enough

Many crises in life are centered around the realization that life is not and hasn’t been enough. The choices made turned out wrong. So many regrets and so little time left. Is this all there is? The answer to this question is, ironically, yes, this is ALL there is. It is actually so much that we don’t have enough time to experience all of the joys and pain on its spectrum. Spending time trying to unravel the whys in it means we could miss the experience of it.

Here’s what happened when I lived life trying to figure out why. First, I didn’t ever figure anything out, and secondly, I ended up in a place where life was as empty as when I first started asking. Of course it was empty. I never figured out what it was supposed to be full of because I was trying to figure out the reason for it. 

I’m so glad that I realized that empty feeling of “this is all there is?” during my twenty-somethings because I get to live the rest of my life not being disappointed. I now see the “all” for what it really is. A life of wonder. I really don’t need to know why we are here. We get to be here, and that’s all I need to know to live a life with love, laughter, learning, growing, and, of course, vibing the way I choose.

Let’s be honest. The forces we don’t understand can pull me out of here whenever they want. I didn’t always live with this in mind, but I have found that life’s journey can be so much more appreciated when I do. The least I can give myself is to move with all the things in this life that aren’t wishes, like goals and dreams and passions. Those at least provide me with a call to action. Something I know. If I don’t know how yet, I can learn. Besides, the pursuit of dreams, goals, and passions is the fun of it all. Catching that dream is what I want. It’s what makes me feel alive.

So, here’s to a life of not knowing. Never knowing is the best thing I’ll ever know for certain.

Find “Certainty” on the Poems page